Tuesday, April 27, 2010

the Path

metacognition...thinking about thinking...stepping back....went for walk today......long one ...are you sure this is the right way? ...not positive... gone too far to turn back.... we might as well keep going......almost half ways there..... a quarter here.....no no lets keep going.....best not think about destination anyway.......isnt that what they say?.....who?....emmm....its all about the journey not the destination......so if you dont pick one.....well....then you just on walking.....its not about the destination?.......okay......where will we go?.....lets keep walking along this path.......can we walk on the grass?....my shoes have a hole in them....i think...you what?.....i think i may have to forgo a weeks eating to pay for a new pair.......actually....maybe a weeks drinking?....ah now.....you are right .......silly thought...it was really.....silly.....billy silly.....he wrote with a sweaty old pair of black boxers clutching at his ankles.....nothing to do with race or pugilism......just too lazy to pull his underpants up after masturbating....billy silly......funny story...where are we going.....we will just keep going this way....its not that bad if you walk on the grass.....but .......the signs keep telling me............ keep off the grass.......i ignore them........pinks and greens...woosh of passing cars.....stop and listen......... moving water....soothing always....my back is a bit sore.....we have a fair bit to go yet......i am leading you up it.....a black cat crosses it ..........i am doomed.......keep off the grass....thats what the signs say.......but i prefer walking on grass......it makes the path more walkable.......do you think?........certainly......think i`ve got a feeling i`ve lost inside......think i`ve got a feeling i`ve lost inside....think i`ve got a feeling i`ve lost inside....repetitive oasis.....phantom....105.2.......blurs after the break........drink Heineken responsibly.......wheres the fun in that?......rock and roll.......i am hearing you bought a radio.........well we have been walking along this path for a long time.......it seems to be going nowhere.........better to go there with some tunes.......i thought we would have got a lift by now.......walking better....tell yourself that.....walking is better......you cant drive on the grass......are you sure we are going the right way?.....nope.........life is monopoly.....200 quid.....not bad for my autograph once a week.....but you are nobody......i know that.......its a joke.........oh right...........i am getting seriously tired of this path.......you know the further we go the farther we have to return....intelligence is distancing......funk starting to lift......daft really.....why must we play this game?...should have had a pee,there..........you know that....... this is my path........the destination?...we could stop if you wanted....ah no we will keep going.....i think i see a duck being raped........QUACK QUACK.....GUFFAW..........i am glad.....poor duck......QUACK QUACK.......GUFFAW.....a bridge.....lets cross that when we come to it..chemicals.....engineering....oh brother....ok the time has come...to.... push the button......wait for the green man..... an alien sex predator standing at a pedestrian crossing could cause a lot of accidents........wait for the flashing green man......if you were to take it literally.....a joke ..........displacement activity............a distraction...........you choose it.....theres light at the end of it......dying for a fag.............thanks to the phantom in my ears.......thanks to pig in my belly.......thanks to the sheep that cover it...... happy to go further?....i will think about it...... much farther?.....you can turn around anytime you like.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

drink!

divided by a river.....drink time pass.....bar every few paces....fish have less of a reliance on liquids....and deal better with the chips at their shoulders...every occasion is reason .....every chip.....or an excuse...birth to death.... christening to funeral...victory or loss....marriage or divorce.....watching sport....before or after......its Thursday......because you havent in ages...have a hangover......happy or sad......home or away.....old friends or new acquaintance......because you are with friends....or alone.....pre-drinking....post drinking..... listening to music...watching tv......staying in.... going out.....its what we do....its what your father did and what his fathers father did...its what your childeren will do...in pubs...in fields..at the cross-roads.....dancing.....falling.....cause we came back....cause we are going away.....because we arrived.....because we are leaving......cause a friend called around ...... an ex called you up.......for courage..for a laugh...to forget....to feel...to live...to enhance....to dull.....dusk....dawn.....then and now...free....cause the ads say....drink think drink....

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

operation topshelf

i feel sorry for kids these days.robbed of adventure. when i was young it was an exilirating experience....remember?...so embarassing .......couldnt buy it.....they would know...they would tell your parents..... couldnt buy it.... have to have it.......have to get it...think ....ask the lads..... groupthink....a plan?.....recon...target located......back left...near cereal and briquettes...a plan... strategically formulated....oldest looking buy cigarettes...make her turn....no not those ones... those ones lower down....BOOM BOOM....tallest swiped the mag.....topshelf.....slip under shorts....BOOM BOOM........everything is shaky....excited....trying so hard....to look normal.....walk past...nod or ignore...they will tell your parents ...nod or ignore....BOOM BOOM...do i look normal...try to look normal......nod or....outside.....BOOM DA BOOM.....head count...... we made it....exhale deeply...objective achieved.....to the field....light woodbine...inhale deeply...this is what its all about...the lads....few fags.... titilation... emphasis on the obvious.....perfectly simple...happiness perfect........remove from pants....BOOM BOOM......... remove from plastic...BOOM BOOM...oh jesus....SHHHHH...... he might hear us...wouldnt like this...why?...made in his image.....logic broken.........18+....GUFFAW...nipples...hair ..oh her hair.....cant wait for my own....i think...i want to take it home...i need to be alone with it.....i think....its going to be amazing....they are thinking....... same exactly...BOOM BOOM.....an argument.....well,my idea...my plan,however...actually,my deed..........first night me..... second night you.....no....this is how it should be ...me first... him second......no no all wrong..me first...a fight....strongest wins.... reasonable enough.....i will see june tomorrow.....lets have another look......have to remember....one last look....try to remember...junes golden hair...likes horses and walks on the beach...me too...its love..falling fast...a recurring theme...dislikes smokers....i will quit...i only smoke 5 a week anyway...trying to change too.....over and over...back to then....it grows so neatly...times up mine tomorrow..have to wait...cant sleep.... cant remember face....... just hair...growing so neatly...cant wait for tomorrow.....all of june.... all to myself.....BOOM BOOM.....hey man....your early.....just a little...where is it?....shut up....give it...my mom....sorry.....here....cheers.....BOOM BOOM..no need to run...want to though..finally there..... nobody is home..up stairs ....right right.....doesnt make it wrong..sanctuary..click .....just me and you....oh june...good times...so shiny and clean......... and jesus .......oh jesus....oh jesus....GASP .....SCREAM....MOM!

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

metacognition and wordplay

thinking about thinking..taking a step back.....so i went for a walk.... along capel street...... chinese people .....singing butchers... AGAIN?..yes...someone writing this?..hope so...reading it?..doubtful.. thinking it?...definitely.....is this bird shit talking?..... notice it because you are looking for it.....don't think so....you thought?...maybe.... coincidence? .........randomness?...incorrect..you made it meet your eye...nothing more.....more chinese people there than there...or there..or there.....you knew....you thought...you went....you see?......but he was singing......everyone in ireland does,.....in a foreign language...everyone in ireland does...thanks to the queen ....best not...pig was one thing..they hate the queen...they talk about it all the time.....in her language.....irony...lost on them.....too lazy to learn.....drop to pass...easier....nothing personal elizabeth...i wont forget...times have changed....not enough....memories are useless.... good ones make you sad...sad ones make you good....never again.......oh elizabeth you must have thought we were....revolting?.......... walked past a butchers.... solitary chinese man...where are your brothers in meat?....i didn't say this... understand?..wanted to...not normal....interrupting ..curiosity...not normal....you know curiosity?....of course...you know he killed the cat?........he sings happily...butcher not cat.... hacking dead flesh...best not to interrupt......dead cat and an asian butcher....maybe it wasn't curiosity.....maybe it was....is this a stereotype?.....yes....yours?...afraid so...where did you find it...someone gave it to me....that how it happened?.....some of it was mine....i swear...please dont..i didn't mean ......positive racism...wouldn't fight him....knows karate...probably...is that japanese?...difference between ram and lamb?.. pronunciation....chinese butcher....that's racist...just thought...didn't say...understand?...nod and smile....talk slowly.... who cares... everyone...words more important than thoughts.. beautiful hair. .....upside down bowls of liquorice.......singing...about meat...?...GUFFAW..dont know...foreign language...made me smile...the parallels....new ireland...old ireland..same...different.changes so stealthily....brazilians having a party.......friends...laughter...talk...didnt understand any of it...not invited....... never invited ...never go....tell yourself...didn't want to ...more..probably shit...tell yourself that..probably shit.not going.....didn't in old ireland..... wont in new....same really....always...no matter the language ... all is said..all is done.....time for old tricks...think about it.....party tricks?....balancing........ unaided.... on two feet whilst bumming a fag....GUFFAW....COUGH COUGH...smoker.....you see?...double meaning....doublethink... convince myself.....convince yourself....... all is fine...here....think fine is fine...no....yes...yes...that it will change....wont... has...without us....not invited....change it...i cant out here... change you....try to....think about it......think fine is fine......not bad...fine so

Monday, April 19, 2010

long and the short

RING RING...good one for you...will keep it brief...but... its long...walking past building you built ...with bear hands.....give hands back to grizzly...GUFFAW ...... talk off those gloves...please come off....correction..... TAKE ....idiot....ACTION...finallly....bare hands.the building that i built with bare hands..of course..it happened there?..what?...this story....anyway... zero zero sports car....very flashy....yellow.... back in the day...yellow..beautiful...now?.... you could pick one up ..easily....a few grand...... wrapped around a traffic light....as described ....art in the modern sense...like andy warhol....15 minutes... will need longer than that....you are?......nobody.....GUFFAW....anyway...i think.... former occupants of car are former occupants of earth..right?..WRONG..not his words .....mine...Disgrace...let the man speak....my memory .....his story....TICK TOCK...not clock...christy.....never drank....smoked a lot.....never did anything....plague.....keeping well though?..new house...lovely..... not to me?..no to christy...plague of the town.... all out today.....HONK HONK.....all out today....hello...to me?..yes..right .....anyway..occupant was CHINESE GIRL....a chef in a place...means nothing to me..means nothing to you...right?...well...she and fella...you know fella?...dont think so....lives close...dont think so....very close. ...dont think so..same school...dont think so.....brother lost his ball....of course!.......yeah....anyway...CLIP CLOP..... apologies pavey is trotting on a pieball...ok...anyway....so she was chinese..the horse?...ah no..the driver....SNIGGER....she bought the car yesterday GUFFAW.....never drove....GUFFAW...never learned....crash.... never again... buys car.... drives car..... crashes car..something missing....never learned...GUFFAW......trys turn....FAIL... two words to first on scene...no insurance ....GUFFAW ...unbelivable? .....agreed..... fella arrives on scene...you know him..lives near...very near... same school....brother has half a sackful.....GUFFAW..stands there..bemused..GUFFAW....no insurance.....GUFFAW...chinese girl....lucky no-one killed....on a serious note......SILENCE.....only down there....only down here...well...what?....places...what? the same really ....get to know them..all the same....i knew there....didnt like it..came here....(SAME)..talk to you....SILENCE...thats the long...a girl crashed a car ....thats the short..prefer the former...the way told...makes me laugh...GUFFAW

losing it

WHAT?.....i came here....for something?...probably.....what?....cant remember...anything?....nothing important...who are you talking to?...you..who said that?....me...remember?..no its gone..definitely

Saturday, April 17, 2010

butchered

blackness is here today..pints..out friday...pints....naggin...pints pints..that was last night...sex?....GUFFAW...today.barbeque cancelled. needed red meat felt blue went to local butchers. first time.lots of butchers.....here...real dublin.......they were singing... like tv...they were talking.... jovially ...about how proud they were of the service provided...here... compear`d to a soupermarka....i listened....5 of them.....friends in meat....i listened and i waited..peepal cum hair fur da survis,ya know wha eye me-ann?....(an experience)......while they sung another song....i listened.....i waited..GUFFAW......what song?..cant remember...nothing to do with meat........GUFFAW. flying w/o wings..........wha kan eye dieu ya foir?.....burgers....deez r`dooze?...those... many for 4?....ate....too many,half that.....4?..please.....2.30 left....for this?.....pork belly?....how u gonna cuck`eh?...uncertain.....barbaqueue?(sic)...no garden......fry`eh?...no oil....roast`eh..45min...low temp...littel beh a wahter in da tre.delicious....nodded dumbly... like i had a tray...GUFFAW.....thanks...c-yeez...you will ...my friends in meat?...no silly thought...keenly priced though...important now...cooked beef discs...on 5 for 7....turned regularly...until brown...enjoyed sizzle immensely...tried to climb on roof...got stuck.....got down toast popped....timing...flipped discs......sliced tomato...a fruit?..cant we just call it a vegetable?...if its a numbers thing...we could swap it for rhubarb........ shouldnt eat custard with vegtables....ruins appetite...GUFFAW..silly thought..added mayo to ketchup until it made a thousand....dressing?...nude better....ready...table set....grace before meals?..hungry.usually.....GUFFAW...get serious.. a pig has died.......correction...sorry pig...correction...thanks pig....correction....give thanks to the pig ...gracious enough to expire..so i may fill mine.....with his...GUFFAW...silly really...return favour....one day.......when he flies....GUFFAW.....nice experience....eating...more than sustenence...pleasure...talked out loud....like this?....yes..idiot......they heard?...remember...last night?...bits...pints...they listened...thoughtjoke?...it is...GUFFAW... the whole thing?...sounds strange......own voice,always....cognitive dissonance.... found it...what?....a voice...its a stereotype..clever..too clever?...yes...sorry....my voice...is it yours?...i think so....sure...no.yes..yes....think is is is......sounds like his.....yes no no....i know......we should talk to someone...like this?...i see.....i know....know what?...too much...already?i know i dont want to be like the pig...dead ....OINK....dead tasty...GUFFAW...thanks to the pig...OINK OINK SQUEAL OINK....in french?...ask the basket maker...excited to see her...dream about her...in french?...more romantic..dont speak it think it....ate a bellyful,literally...alright day....sleep to come...RING RING.....sunday?...already...time flies.... not pigs

Thursday, April 15, 2010

the box

the box
what?...your outside the box.....i know.......why?....... nicer out here....why?....my waking life is my own.....what do you do with it....... waste it............you were only meant to think outside it....i know....come back....no....if you stay outside.....what?...i fear....what?...well,you know.....i do....already?..........its nicer out here...... more of us in here .....is that better?..... safer.....better for me out here....pint?...not there.....hold........music shit...hold...... too expensive....hold....i`ll buy.......(hold).....ok so.....HA
convinced yourself?....
trying .....happy?.... 2 pints.....trying.almost....plan?..... absolutely not......just happen...what?....you`ll see.........2 pints....loose ideas......plan?.....absolutely not...maybe... a bit of one....yes/no/maybe.....2 pints......remember?...yeah.. great...long ago?.......god yeah...god?.....nevermind.........2 pints.... come back inside .....no.....too late.....yeah.....you can still think outside it.....its nicer out here...you think?....too much.....RING RING.......worry...sunday?.....yeah.....again?.....have to go....the box?....yes....FUCK.....friday?......maybe.... pay you back some day?...GUFFAW....its nicer out here..........alone!

happy birthday+2

saw the masters work today.felt like applauding before it started.....how can he fill a stage with thoughts....can i?......i felt... giddy as a gumdrop...a gumdrop?..inanimate...not giddy...dead....dead metaphor....... consumption in large quantities can cause giddiness.....correction.....went and saw the masters work today felt like .....an idiot...wanted to clap before it started...did i understood this?... DO YOU?...people sniggered....intellectually......they laughed in all the right places but in the wrong way?...a shallow acknowledgement .....i laughed in the wrong places .......right way?..deep understanding...GUFFAW....i dont get it... i do ....you definitely do...... doublethink...the lies....mine..not yours...not this.... this is truth ..... confession...lies ....i get this....defenitely.... get this?......a new dog learning old tricks..stupid really.....GUFFAW...i think i heard...SILENCE...a joke?...GUFFAW.....SILENCE..need to concentrate...i get this..she gets it better than i do ....SNIGGER..and she is french...she grabs my hand...nicely....i love her.... already?...pathetic.....GUFFAW....palms wetted from intellectual strain...SNIGGER..... lust?.....no erection.....friend said something about masturbating in the morning...GUFFAW.....she is french and she gets it.... retract hand......concentrate......SNIGGER....missed it .....SHIT....SHHHH.....i want to laugh out loud.....whats stopping me...them?...who?...nobody ...i get it...then laugh...you are right...they are wrong......what if i`m wrong?...even if i am right .....more of them......you get it though?.... laugh out loud...they will think i am a fool...an ejit...dammit man,laugh...GUFFAW.......SILENCE......being clever can make you seem so foolish......foolishness makes me clever?..think clever....are clever....no way of knowing.......maybe ..........they think so....dont...well they do but they dont.....DO I? .......APPLAUSE ....i got it....did you?....,yes...we...me too....blue camel?...she is french she got it....she smokes beautifully........i definitely got it... so?...best not think about it....pint?...oui....french cocks look the same as irish cocks but they sound different....never thought about it.... LIE........doublethink......i dont need this....what about her....KISS...distraction.....i need to get it.....i have it......BONER......not that.SNIGGER....the bird shit is wearing off?...but its you...AGAIN?....dont you get it?.. your voice...never sounds like your own....i do,though....that is to say...i sound like this...GUFFAW.....like him?....i dont get it....but...i can make it......SILENCE...get it?

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Bird Shit

Chocolate coated ice-cream treats can be terribly sore on the old gnashers if bitten with anything from the incisors to canines. a strategic rotation of the icy treat and pressure applied,with the molars,increased slowly ....CRACK...... no taste not yet.....warm saliva melts the chocolate....taste.. here it comes...rushing over my tongue.......IMPOSTER... you are not chocolate.... DISAPPOINTMENT ...
melts like the plastic browness giving way to shame ......i wish i could have afforded the magnum..still though weather is nice,i am looking good.plenty of gigs...women... some French some american....
they think i am a mysterious ....international......they are to me.....freed from the suffocating connectedness of life on this green and grey little island...oh you went to school with her?........you played rugby with him....he was caught with his finger in his bum..blah blah.... they do not care about ...well, you know...
spending a lot of time in the Green, reading. brought muller corner yoghurt's. they were snack size today and it made me feel unmanly.friend said something about masturbating in the morning.... maybe its that...maybe its the finger?..... thought....perhaps, that the bird shitting on me 10 days ago had changed my luck.i wonder did it change the other guy who also got shit on him. he cleaned his off. i rubbed mine in, maybe that makes a difference?... it isnt REALLY the bird shit or else i would go..... run under a kettle of kites......no its a positive cognitive dissonance...its not the bird shit ...winner in the grand national...met lovely girl...on the lash for 6 days... surrounded by people....happy?...it cant all be my doing maybe its the bird shit...i know it isnt but it probably is.............. ...at least that s what i keep telling myself...... deliberate lies are.....i feel like i am telling myself deliberate lies..but at least i am being honest with you...as honest as i can be..the finger?..maybe once...life is not bad but could it be better...an ice-cream.....a few gigs....a dream....sex...drink...smokes....is that enough.....probably not....but maybe i can convince myself it is..maybe i DO need the bird shit...that s just conjecture...what do i know i do not have letters after my name or numbers in my a/c.... haven't done much with my life really except for think about it..maybe thats enough?...no...yes..yes.....thought it might wait.....but with a stubborn boorishness it keeps carrying on.......wait for me .......never does,maybe one day soon..... i will catch up...... SURVIVING........ really isn't that all you need for life to be a success.....very few of us get to thrive......and the sun was shining......blackness to come